Moving Away from How Was Your Day?
September 18, 2023

When we pick up our children from school, it can be so tempting to ask, “How was your day?” Often the responses are pretty lackluster. 


As adults, we can likely relate. If a partner or friend asks about our day, our responses may be along the lines of fine, good, tiring, okay. Sometimes we just don’t feel like rehashing the day! 


For children, there can also be an element of not always having the language to explain what they did or experienced. In Montessori environments, this can be even more challenging. How can a young child describe the sensorial experience of carrying each block of the pink tower to a rug and creating a geometric tower of cubes based on the decimal system? Or convey their emerging conversation with a friend during community lunch? Or relate their delight in discovering that ten 10s create a hundred square?


As children get a little older, they are also starting to grapple with figuring out their relationships with peers, which involves so many social nuances. Younger elementary-aged children are still seeing these relationships in black and white. So their descriptions of the day may be pretty two-dimensional: someone was mean or nice, the day was good or bad (usually based on an interaction with a friend), etc.


It can be hard for children to talk about their experiences at school. However, if we shift our approach, we can often get more insight into our children’s experiences.


Ideally, we focus on connection first. When we see our children at the end of the school day, we can greet them in a way that conveys how happy we are to see them. They may be tired, need to fall apart a little, have a snack, or just have a little time for rejuvenation. Allow a little loving space. Each child has a different way they feel fueled, loved, seen, and held. That first moment isn’t an ideal time to ask about the day because our children are transitioning into being back in our care. Plus, there is a lot going on during that transition!


Later, when our children have settled into being with us or at home, and hopefully have had a snack or a little time to decompress, we have a chance to connect about the day. However, a word of caution: questions like, “How was your day?” or “What did you do today?” are so open-ended, they can also feel overwhelming to children. 


Instead, when we focus on starting a conversation rather than digging for information, our children are more likely to open up. They also need to feel that we are completely present for their responses, which means putting down our phones, not focusing on getting everyone into or out of the car, or not being involved in something like preparing dinner. It helps when we can show with our body language that we are really listening.


In those times when you are ready to explore a conversation, we recommend trying some other kinds of questions. Here are 40 of our favorites. The first five work best for younger children.


  1. What made you feel happy today?
  2. Who did you play with today? What did you do together?
  3. Who did you sit with at snack/lunch today?
  4. What made you feel sad today?
  5. What was your favorite activity today?
  6. Did everyone have someone to play with today? Who played together?
  7. Who brought the best food in their lunch today? What was it?
  8. What was your favorite thing in your lunch box?
  9. What games did you play at recess?
  10. What is the most popular activity at recess? Is it something you like to do? Why or why not?
  11. Did someone get in trouble at school today? What did they do?
  12. What did you notice today that other people probably didn’t see or pay attention to?
  13. What is something you did today that you’d love to do every day?
  14. How did someone fill your bucket today? Whose bucket did you fill?
  15. What made you feel worried today?
  16. What made your teacher smile? Did anything make your teacher frown?
  17. What were you grateful for today?
  18. If one of your classmates could be the teacher for a day, who would you want it to be? Why?
  19. What is your class or teacher’s most important rule?
  20. Who do you want to make friends with but haven’t yet? Why?
  21. What did you learn about a friend today?
  22. If aliens came to school and beamed up three kids, who do you wish they would take? Why?
  23. What did you do today that was helpful?
  24. When did you feel most proud of yourself today?
  25. What rule was the hardest to follow today?
  26. Which person in your class is your exact opposite?
  27. Who is the friendliest person in your class? What do they do to be friendly?
  28. What did you do today that was creative?
  29. Did your teacher read to the class today? If so, what was the story or book about?
  30. What was the high point of your day? What was the low point?
  31. Was anyone in your class absent today? Do you know why they weren’t there?
  32. What is something you heard that surprised you?
  33. What is something that challenged you?
  34. What is something that you were super good at today?
  35. What compliments did you get (or give) today?
  36. How were you brave today?
  37. If you could change one thing about your day, what would it be?
  38. How was your day different than yesterday?
  39. What superpower would have come in handy today?
  40. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?


After a snack, over dinner, on an afternoon walk, or before bed, try starting conversations with these kinds of questions. Notice that most of them can’t be answered with one word. 


In addition, we can also provide our own responses, which provides a model for our children and gives them some scaffolding as they are thinking about how to answer. For example, “At lunch today I sat with someone who just started working with me. We talked a lot about going hiking and I shared some of my favorite hikes.” Or “When I was about your age, we loved playing capture the flag. One of my favorite memories of this game was when…” Sharing parts of our day or some of our own school memories not only shows that we are interested in conversation, but it also gives our children a guide for how to begin.


Let us know how it goes to first connect and later start conversations with open-ended questions. If you have any conversation starters that you and your children especially love, please share them! You can also download this printable of our favorite 40 questions to keep handy for those opportune moments.


By Jasmine Parks May 23, 2025
Adolescents are in a new stage of development. So, how can the adults in their lives adapt? In Montessori adolescent programs, we open our hearts and minds to what is really happening for adolescents in their growth toward adulthood. We have enormous respect for adolescents and the growth that happens during this stage of life. In many ways, the early adolescent years are parallel to the first years of life. Adolescents are newly emerging adults. They are newborns, and just like newborns, they are gaining a great deal of learning, brain integration, and social/emotional equilibrium. Because what happens during adolescence impacts how our future adults will adapt and contribute to the broader society in adulthood, we are careful to model what it means to be an adult. We work to provide guidance and structure while respecting adolescents’ journey of self-construction. This stage of development is a period of reorganization, and we have the unique opportunity to positively influence and support this transformation. The Montessori Adolescent Environment Montessori adolescent programs vary in structure but typically include: ● Plans of study and work ● Different forms of social organization ● Micro-economy programs ● Work with nature and the land Within these activities, adults serve multiple roles in different settings, such as in the kitchen, through work on the land, in business operations, and more. However, it is essential to remember that the Montessori learning environment belongs to our adolescents. As such, we must ensure students develop concentration and independence through meaningful activities in an attractive and stimulating environment. Creating this prepared environment is a vital piece of the adult’s work! So we work to uphold the following characteristics. ● Designed for self-construction : Adolescents need an environment where their personal development takes priority over just producing a finished product. Whether running a microeconomy business or working on the land, we remember that the product isn’t the primary concern; rather, it’s the adolescent’s development and their self-construction. ● Developmentally appropriate : Activities and experiences should align with where adolescents are in their growth so as to ensure engagement and relevance. ● Supportive of human tendencies : We want the environment to support human tendencies, like orientation, order, association, and exploration, in a way that evolves with students’ age and maturity. This means the space and the work will look different based on what our students experienced during their elementary years! ● Includes materials/activities that provide appropriate challenges and opportunities for independence : Adolescents need access to tools, technology, creative outlets, and real-world applications of their learning, from garden tools to spreadsheets, from theatrical production materials to forms of publication. ● Provides Beauty and Order : While adolescents may not always maintain order, a well-organized and aesthetically pleasing environment still impacts their development and identity formation. Although adolescents experience organization as a convenience, order is necessary to operate in a microcosm of society and when you need to get things done, like cooking a meal for a group. ● Ensures Isolation of difficulty : We need to observe to know if our adolescents can use the tools at their disposal and also to plan for what lessons they need to be successful. Adolescents don’t want to be incompetent. They also don’t want to be ordered about by an adult. They need our side-by-side support. ● Is Scaled in Size : We want workspaces should be adaptable to accommodate the diverse physical and developmental needs of adolescents. Scaling still matters at this level because adolescents can be very different from each other in their development. ● Offers Limited materials : Too much choice can be overwhelming, yet the material needs to be obtainable when the task requires it. We intentionally ensure there isn’t one of everything for everyone because research shows adolescents are more productive when working with a partner. ● Encourages Care (of self, others, and the environment) : This is a beautiful thread in all of Montessori. As our young people approach adulthood, we support them in learning how to take of themselves so that they then have the capacity to take care of people around them and then their community and their planet. Encouraging adolescents to care for themselves, their community, and the world around them fosters responsibility and empathy. The Essential Role of the Adult Adults are an essential part of the prepared environment, acting as facilitators of human development. Our primary responsibilities include: ● Creating Conditions for Growth : Providing experiences that develop social responsibility, justice, and dignity. ● Modeling Respect and Civility : Demonstrating respect for people, living things, community spaces, and social norms. ● Fostering Engagement : Encouraging participation through invitations to work, short presentations, and meaningful activities. ● Encouraging Self-Construction : Allowing adolescents to take ownership of their learning while the adult remains in the background, blending into the work alongside them. The Power of Observation and Patience A fundamental role of the adult is to create conditions that naturally engage adolescents. This requires stepping back from unnecessary praise and criticism and allowing students to recognize their own successes and errors. Learning comes from experience, and we see mistakes as valuable opportunities for growth. Adults must also develop strong observation skills, practicing patience as adolescents navigate their developmental process. Our role is to guide, not dictate, allowing adolescents to take ownership of their education. Ultimately, we must be aware of and sensitive to adolescents' developmental needs and characteristics. We respect their potential and understand adolescents’ need to function in a social context and their drive to become independent young adults. Side-by-Side Work One of the most effective tools for fostering independence is working alongside adolescents. This allows them to: ● Observe real work in action ● Understand their role within a community ● Feel valued for their contributions The process begins with adults modeling tasks, ensuring students understand the necessary skills, tools, safety rules, and quality expectations. Gradually, responsibility shifts to the adolescent, allowing them to take ownership while we observe from a distance. Older students can take on leadership roles, further developing their skills and sense of responsibility. Preparation of the Adult The role of adults in a Montessori adolescent program is built on teamwork, respect, and humility. Adults must collaborate effectively, ensuring that the program serves the community of adolescents rather than personal agendas. By fostering a respectful and engaging learning environment, adults empower adolescents to become independent, confident, and socially responsible individuals. Facilitating adolescent development is a significant challenge requiring deep preparation. Montessori adults must be willing to evolve, accept change, and continually refine their approach based on observation and feedback. Montessori education is powerful for this age group because the adults are constantly exploring how to creatively meet adolescents’ needs, from designing the learning environment to preparing themselves to support these emerging young adults. Curious to learn more about how Montessori supports stages of development in our young people? Schedule a tour!
March 3, 2025
Discover how Montessori education nurtures children's growth from birth to six years old, fostering independence, exploration, and language development.